The Truth About Preventing Adoption Disruption

Last year in episode 019 of Add Water and Stir, we aired a show called Adoption Disruptions and Rehoming. In that show we explored the touchy issue of adoption disruptions and the practice of rehoming.  According to the Department of Health and Human Services child welfare information Gateway, approximately 10 to 25% of adoptions experience disruption. There is very little data on adoption dissolution so it’s hard to know the current statistics on this topics, though estimate put the number at less than 5%. Adoption advocates have expressed concern about increased numbers of adoptions and a decrease in the time to finalization and whether or not the time decrease is predictive of disruption. More research is needed.

Adoption disruption is rarely discussed because is very emotional and potentially mired in so much shame. Adoptive families and feel like they failed, and children experience another major loss and may blame themselves for the disruption. All of these big, painful emotions result in  limited public conversations about preventing adoption disruption and providing the necessary support for families who need it most.

On this special episode of Add Water and Stir,  we are revisiting the topic of disruption and we are joined by Beverly Clarke director of Project Wait No Longer at the Barker Adoption Foundation located in Bethesda, Maryland.  Project Wait No Longer is a program specifically working with families who are pursuing older child adoption. Beverly passionately describes the need for parents to have reasonable expectations, to redefine success for their families and to commit to practicing self-care when things are particularly rough.

This interview is so good, we decided to skip our regular shenanigans in the Wind Down and include our interview with Beverly in its entirety. We hope you find it as educational and entertaining as we did!


Show Notes

Adoption Disruption and Dissolution
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2 thoughts on “The Truth About Preventing Adoption Disruption

  1. VA Foster Mom says:

    Hello!
    I absolutely loved this episode and was amazed by the guest’s knowledge and wisdom. I have a question about self-care, and living near your “edge.” My husband and I are foster parents to an infant. My husband has a VERY demanding job. My job is not nearly as stressful and I do more of the child care in the afternoon/evenings. My concern is for my husband. He is constantly living near his “edge.” He is a WONDERFUL husband and an amazing foster dad, but he is stretched very thin and I see how tired he is. He solo parents during the hours of 7 and 9 am, though they are the busy “getting ready” hours. The rest of the day, our foster baby is in day care or, when he’s home, I’m the lead parent. Even so, there are just simply not enough hours in the day for him to do much relaxing. I’m trying to find a short term solution other than him simply finding another job. Do you have any self-care tips for parents and spouses of parents who have highly demanding jobs? Is the answer simple, “don’t have such a demanding job?” We could also have our foster son attend one extra hour of day care each day so that my husband can get work an hour earlier. However, neither of us wants that for him. Thank you for any wisdom you can share.

    • adoptiveblackmom says:

      Thanks for the feedback!
      Well, if I may ask, “What would Beverly Say?” I think Beverly would say, extend that day care day for another hour. Send hubby to the gym, to watch the game at a pub, to meditate, whatever. Or, maybe he just comes home to you and you two have some time, but it sounds like that hour or so would be incredibly valuable! It also sounds like a regular date night is essential. I know that arranging for some regular respite can be a pain, but it sounds like you both could use it! All the best!

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